Have you ever noticed that sometimes you think things about yourself that are quite mean?
You would probably never say those things to someone else if they were in your situation. Perhaps you make a mistake and you tell yourself that you are stupid. Maybe you feel nervous about doing something and you tell yourself you can’t do it.
What we say to ourselves has a massive impact on how we feel and then on how we behave. If we think something bad or mean about ourselves it causes negative feelings – perhaps we feel annoyed, angry, frustrated, sad, worried. or nervous. These feelings always have a big influence on how we behave. We might argue with someone, perhaps feel left out, or avoid doing something that we really want to do. …This then makes us have more negative thoughts, leading to more negative feelings and more unhelpful behaviour.
What can we do instead?
Think about if your best friend was in your situation and they come to you and ask for your help. What would you say to them? Would you tell them off or tell them they are stupid? Hopefully not. You would probably be kind and supportive and offer them some useful advice to help them get through the difficult situation they are facing.
The next time you find yourself saying mean things to yourself about yourself, imagine it is your best friend in your situation and say to yourself exactly what you would say to them. You will be amazed how much better this makes you feel and how much better you then end up behaving – all as a result of what you chose to say to yourself.
Changing your thoughts can change everything!